Ok, the title might be a little bit shocking. Death is difficult topic. It's always sad when the goldfish, that you won at the fair, dies. I also died. At least a part of me.
Back in America, I was known by many simply as "Shorts Boy". My fame spread because of the fact that I never wore long pants.
My shorts also had another important purpose. They scared away the winter. Either the weather controls me or I control the weather. So, every year when the winter leaves, it is only because it lost the battle with me.
Sadly, as of January 5th, 2004 some time around 8PM, I stopped wearing my shorts. The weather became so cold that the theory of global warming was completly dropped. Why did I do this? Well, sadly, um nicht aufzufallen. Ok, sorry, that was German. In order to not stand out.
There, I said it. I am a pathetic conformist. I always have been.
But some fresh blood has been flowing through my head. I came to realize that the good fight must still be fought. The summer *needs* me. I'm in the warmest city in Germany, and it is colder than Berlin, CT. Unbelievable. I admit my guilt. It is time for me to fight back. So, I am pleased to announce the return of "Shorts Boy". He is back from the dead! Watch out Winter! Watch out Germany!
Now I just need to practice what I'll say when people ask me if I am cold or crazy. The answers are "no" and "yes" respectively. Of course, I need more complete answer than that. I need everything from the 1 second answer, to the 30 minute life story (including various events of snow diving).
And this has one benefit that even my German teachers can't criticize me for - it is a wonderful conversation starter. Probably 99% of all conversations I've had in the past few years have stemmed from the fact that I don't wear long pants. Also, this will be a conversation start that will prompt Germans to talk to me (as opposed to the many foreigners living in Freiburg. Not that I have objections to talking to foreigners, it's just easier to practice German with Germans). I find it unlikely that a random foreigner would challenge me about my short pants, simply because I look european enough to be native, and I think it would seem odd to challenge a native about such a thing (maybe not. Maybe that's just my Connecticut upbringing talking, which says "really, just be quiet, unless you have a good reason to make noise!").
Anyway. This is it. I am back. Welcome home.
Archived comments:
Anna:
HUZZAH!!!!
Yay! How exciting! Good for you! How bout I end every sentence with an exclamation mark!
PS: Did you bring shorts with you to Germany? Or will you have to buy them there? Oh, and did you get your hair cut?
Katherine:
It's the return of the Shorts-Guy! Everyone in Freiburg will soon know your name... well if not your name, at least your shorts.
You should write a book, and call it The Adventures of the Shorts-Guy
mikepn:
Yes, I did bring shorts with me to Germany. I'm in the warmest city in Germany. I would have looked like a fool wearing long pants in summer. Oddly enough, both "Shorts" and "Boy" seem to be Denglish words (that is, English words used in German (Deutsch - that's where the D comes from)). So, in Germany, I could just as well be called "Shorts Boy" (except, since this is Germany, "Shortsboy").
Just a note, the shorts are working. The weather forecast seems to have increased a about 1 degree since my decision to wear shorts. Hey, Mr. Weather, watch out, here I come!
The question is, for my shorts spiel, should I claim to be a prophet? Or would that be too ofensive to people who don't have my sense of humor? (A prophet in the sense of "Ordinary Jack" for those of you who read the book). Here's my proposed new spiel:
"Are you cold/crazy/stupid/etc? Who do you wear shorts?"
"I had a vision. In the vision it was clearly stated to me: 'Michael, son of Peter, but not called Peterson, because that would be corny and your name isn't Sweedish, I must issue you a warning. The sun, it burns. Hotter and hotter it burns. Soon the snow that lies upon the ground will reach a sad end. But who will warn the people? You Michael, you must warn the people! Announce the coming of the season of the sun, for it is not far off! Announce the coming not with your mouth. Words are cheap and not to be believed. Rather, you must announce the coming with your actions. See, I have set before you Short Pants. Wear them as a testamony to the people'. So, I am doing as I was instructed. Prepare yourself for the coming heat!"
Or something like that. I wonder how that would sound in German.
No comments:
Post a Comment