My brother, Blin, created a video for entry into a contest. Part of the score is the number of YouTube views, and it's a really good video, so you can see it here:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=8CAWu_XbztY
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Upstairs project
I finally got started on it! The big one! The upstairs project:-). I will be converting out 240 square foot upstairs area into a master suite (if anything that small can be called a master suite). The permits cost $280, but they were issued the same day (20 minutes later - and the people working there were very friendly). There are a total of 9 inspections I think (3 for framing, 2 plumbing, 2 electrical, 2 HVAV/mechanical).
However, words are boring. Pictures are fun. Click here for pictures (this album will be updated as the project progresses.).
However, words are boring. Pictures are fun. Click here for pictures (this album will be updated as the project progresses.).
Direct Banking Bargains
"I have decided to post an informational article for those of us who are interested in this new trend of "direct banking". Direct banking offers high interest, FDIC insured (i.e., basically no risk) savings accounts that offer minimal customer service. I will be comparing historical rates as I continue to update the page. Click here to get the latest on direct banking. Banks include FNBODirect, HSBCDirect, EmigrantDirect, ING Direct, UFBDirect, PayPal (not a bank!), GMAC Bank, Washing Mutual (aka WaMu), CitiBank, VirtualBank, iGOBanking, and eTrade. I also include the bank's ABA numbers in one convenient location. Again, click here for this article. I hope to update it about once a month."
Finally a quick update
Finally time for a little update. Most everyone knows this already, but I haven't posted it on the website yet. Nadja is pregnant!! She's in her 4th month now and the baby is due October 28th, at about 7:32PM (after I come home from work, and have had a little to eat!). Click "read more..." to see the rest.
This semester at NCSU is winding down. The coming week is the so called "dead week", because everyone wishes they were dead. Ha ha, just kidding. It's the last week of classes where professors cannot have tests or give assignments of any significant nature. The following week is the first week of finals. They start April 30 and end May 8. I have finals on both the first and last days, but since I'm not traveling right after, I don't care.
I now have a nice job with a nice company called WebAssign. They have a math and sciences online homework system that randomizes the problems so that each student has a unique problem (solved by the same methods, but the parameters of the problem are unique to the student). This allows for collaboration, but makes it impossible to simply copy answers (in most cases) because the right answer for one person, is wrong for another person. I have two jobs there. One is to code the questions, and the other is to test questions.
Nadja and I will be taking an extended trip to Germany this summer. Yay. Tickets have been booked (and weren't the cheapest things on this planet!). Since my job at WebAssign is not inherently tied to an office, I can work while in Germany, so that we don't go broke.
I recently added some storage space to the house by cutting a hole in the wall in our upstairs. See the pictures in the Gallery under North Carolina, Our House, Attic.
I posted some pictures of our yard in the North Carolina, Our House, Yard folder. Also, I posted some new cat pictures under North Carolina, Cats.
The ultra sound picture is at the bottom of the main gallery page. It's a blob!
This semester at NCSU is winding down. The coming week is the so called "dead week", because everyone wishes they were dead. Ha ha, just kidding. It's the last week of classes where professors cannot have tests or give assignments of any significant nature. The following week is the first week of finals. They start April 30 and end May 8. I have finals on both the first and last days, but since I'm not traveling right after, I don't care.
I now have a nice job with a nice company called WebAssign. They have a math and sciences online homework system that randomizes the problems so that each student has a unique problem (solved by the same methods, but the parameters of the problem are unique to the student). This allows for collaboration, but makes it impossible to simply copy answers (in most cases) because the right answer for one person, is wrong for another person. I have two jobs there. One is to code the questions, and the other is to test questions.
Nadja and I will be taking an extended trip to Germany this summer. Yay. Tickets have been booked (and weren't the cheapest things on this planet!). Since my job at WebAssign is not inherently tied to an office, I can work while in Germany, so that we don't go broke.
I recently added some storage space to the house by cutting a hole in the wall in our upstairs. See the pictures in the Gallery under North Carolina, Our House, Attic.
I posted some pictures of our yard in the North Carolina, Our House, Yard folder. Also, I posted some new cat pictures under North Carolina, Cats.
The ultra sound picture is at the bottom of the main gallery page. It's a blob!
A power-sponge
"Since I am too lazy to wash dishes, I built a power sponge. Click "read more" for details
Well, Nadja and I are getting married, and by the time that most people read this, we will be married (we're getting/we got married on March 11th, 2006). One of the few areas where I am pickier in terms of cleanliness is with dishes, so we decided that I would be the one to always clean the dishes (Nadja agreed to do most/all of the other stuff in exchange for that). Now, we don't have a dishwasher (if we did, it would be a very unfair deal!). Nonetheless, I don't feel like washing a ton of dishes by hand and I realized that it had to go faster...
So I decided to invent the electric sponge. Well, I'm sure it wasn't an actual invention of mine, but whatever. I thought it up on my own. Basically you take an electric hand mixer and a (relatively thick) sponge. You cut the sponge to make it round and attach it to one of the hand-mixer attachments. Then the sponge rotates when you turn on the mixer. So now instead of scrubbing, all you have to do is press the sponge onto the dish which has to be washed.
Just a couple notes: you probably shouldn't wash anything with it that is still filled with water. That will splash the water all over the place. Basically, you make the item wet, make the sponge soapy, then scrub.
For pictures, go to http://www.michaelnehring.com/modules.php?name=gallery2&g2_view=core.ShowItem&g2_itemId=1571
Enjoy!"
Well, Nadja and I are getting married, and by the time that most people read this, we will be married (we're getting/we got married on March 11th, 2006). One of the few areas where I am pickier in terms of cleanliness is with dishes, so we decided that I would be the one to always clean the dishes (Nadja agreed to do most/all of the other stuff in exchange for that). Now, we don't have a dishwasher (if we did, it would be a very unfair deal!). Nonetheless, I don't feel like washing a ton of dishes by hand and I realized that it had to go faster...
So I decided to invent the electric sponge. Well, I'm sure it wasn't an actual invention of mine, but whatever. I thought it up on my own. Basically you take an electric hand mixer and a (relatively thick) sponge. You cut the sponge to make it round and attach it to one of the hand-mixer attachments. Then the sponge rotates when you turn on the mixer. So now instead of scrubbing, all you have to do is press the sponge onto the dish which has to be washed.
Just a couple notes: you probably shouldn't wash anything with it that is still filled with water. That will splash the water all over the place. Basically, you make the item wet, make the sponge soapy, then scrub.
For pictures, go to http://www.michaelnehring.com/modules.php?name=gallery2&g2_view=core.ShowItem&g2_itemId=1571
Enjoy!"
New review
I have posted a review about the international money transfer service know as XETrade. To read the article, please see: http://www.michaelnehring.com/XETrade-Review.html
I hope this review helps!
I hope this review helps!
Michael in Germany blog
The famous Michael in Germany blog has been painstakingly transfered to the new website. Please go to this website
I have also posted the Germany pictures to the gallery. I will soon post a lot more! (Or maybe not - who knows). Anyhow, it is much easier to manage the site now with PHPNuke and Gallery. Nothing like a little content management.
I have also posted the Germany pictures to the gallery. I will soon post a lot more! (Or maybe not - who knows). Anyhow, it is much easier to manage the site now with PHPNuke and Gallery. Nothing like a little content management.
Welcome to the new site!
Welcome to the new design of MichaelNehring.com. I am now using PHP Nuke as my content management and Gallery 2 as picture management. Both are excelent pieces of free software. I would like to draw your attention to various parts of the website.
The articles section contains various stories and articles that I wrote. At the moment, I only have the articles from the old website.
The photo gallery has various pictures and images. Some may be cool. I'll try to update it regularly.
The blog section will soon have my various blogs. At the moment it does not include my Michael in Germany things, which can currently still be access at http://www.ftper.com/cgi-bin/teemz/teemz.cgi?board=_master
Anyhow, that's it for now. Check back for more cool stuff in the future.
The articles section contains various stories and articles that I wrote. At the moment, I only have the articles from the old website.
The photo gallery has various pictures and images. Some may be cool. I'll try to update it regularly.
The blog section will soon have my various blogs. At the moment it does not include my Michael in Germany things, which can currently still be access at http://www.ftper.com/cgi-bin/teemz/teemz.cgi?board=_master
Anyhow, that's it for now. Check back for more cool stuff in the future.
US patent number 6,368,227
Here is a dumb patent in my series of dumb patents. US patent number 6,368,227. The introduction to the patent is:
"A method of swing on a swing is disclosed, in which a user positioned on a standard swing suspended by two chains from a substantially horizontal tree branch induces side to side motion by pulling alternately on one chain and then the other."
So, swinging from side to side on a swing is patented. Here is an actual quote from the patent text:
"The user may even choose to produce a Tarzan-type yell while swinging in the manner described, which more accurately replicates swinging on vines in a dense jungle forest. Actual jungle forestry is not required."
I don't think I even need to comment
"A method of swing on a swing is disclosed, in which a user positioned on a standard swing suspended by two chains from a substantially horizontal tree branch induces side to side motion by pulling alternately on one chain and then the other."
So, swinging from side to side on a swing is patented. Here is an actual quote from the patent text:
"The user may even choose to produce a Tarzan-type yell while swinging in the manner described, which more accurately replicates swinging on vines in a dense jungle forest. Actual jungle forestry is not required."
I don't think I even need to comment
US patent number 5,443,036
Continuing on my list of dumb patents, we have US patent number 5,443,036. This patent, co-invented by two people (this required a ton of brain work) is summarized as follows:
"A method for inducing cats to exercise consists of directing a beam of invisible light produced by a hand-held laser apparatus onto the floor or wall or other opaque surface in the vicinity of the cat, then moving the laser so as to cause the bright pattern of light to move in an irregular way fascinating to cats, and to any other animal with a chase instinct."
So, the patent basically is using a laser that the cat chases. Nothing was actually invented. They took a laser (invented - perhaps - by Townes, Basov and Prokhorov) and a cat (invented by God) and showed the laser light to the cat. Impressive!
"A method for inducing cats to exercise consists of directing a beam of invisible light produced by a hand-held laser apparatus onto the floor or wall or other opaque surface in the vicinity of the cat, then moving the laser so as to cause the bright pattern of light to move in an irregular way fascinating to cats, and to any other animal with a chase instinct."
So, the patent basically is using a laser that the cat chases. Nothing was actually invented. They took a laser (invented - perhaps - by Townes, Basov and Prokhorov) and a cat (invented by God) and showed the laser light to the cat. Impressive!
US patent number 7,082,894
Another dumb patent is number 7,082,894. They claim that it is non-obvious to put beef jerky into a dog chew toy. The text states:
"A plurality of flavor chunks, for example jerky pieces, are interspersed in the rawhide bit mixture to provide an enticing flavor and aroma that encourages an animal to continue to chew to reveal more flavor chunks."
That is supposed to be non-obvious to an *expert* on dogs. So, if you ask an expert on dogs who does not know of this invention "how can I make my dog chew on something?", there is no reasonable way to expect - according to the US patent office - that the expert will answer "Well, you could make the chew toy taste good, maybe by putting meat in it or something". Thankfully, we have 3 hard working inventors who told us this!
"A plurality of flavor chunks, for example jerky pieces, are interspersed in the rawhide bit mixture to provide an enticing flavor and aroma that encourages an animal to continue to chew to reveal more flavor chunks."
That is supposed to be non-obvious to an *expert* on dogs. So, if you ask an expert on dogs who does not know of this invention "how can I make my dog chew on something?", there is no reasonable way to expect - according to the US patent office - that the expert will answer "Well, you could make the chew toy taste good, maybe by putting meat in it or something". Thankfully, we have 3 hard working inventors who told us this!
US patent number 5,960,411
This patent, number 5,960,411 is a famous patent. This patented, controlled by Amazon.com, is the one-click patent. This patents storing customer credit card information so that users can purchase items with one click on a future visit. This was considered patentable, novel, and non-obvious. The workaround that some other companies have used is to require the users to click two buttons instead of the Amazon invented one-button system.
US patent number 6,250,929
Teaching children to use the toilette is not always easy, but the methods are - according to the US Patent Office - patentable. If we look at US patent number 6,250,929, we see a patent for "Methods for improving the effectiveness of toilet training". Here are some statements from the patent:
"...wherein the recommendations are divided into a plurality of unique groups also based on the age of the child."
"...wherein the recommendations are divided into a plurality of unique groups also based on the gender of the child."
And - drumroll please - get this:
"...wherein the recommendations are divided into a plurality of unique groups also based on the age and gender of the child."
The patent basically is a set of recommendations for potty training based on various aspects of the child. Perhaps the advice is good, but is it patentable?!?
"...wherein the recommendations are divided into a plurality of unique groups also based on the age of the child."
"...wherein the recommendations are divided into a plurality of unique groups also based on the gender of the child."
And - drumroll please - get this:
"...wherein the recommendations are divided into a plurality of unique groups also based on the age and gender of the child."
The patent basically is a set of recommendations for potty training based on various aspects of the child. Perhaps the advice is good, but is it patentable?!?
US patent number 4,443,200
Continuing my poopy-patent of yesterday, we look at US patent number 4,443,200. This is a "toilette training device" described as:
"Disclosed is a toilet training device for toilet training of children, embodied as an animal, such as a bear, having a lower torso having anterior and posterior chambers with upper access ports for filling the anterior chamber with water and the posterior chamber with soft material. Upon sufficient pressure being applied to the anterior chamber, a lower valve opens to allow the water to pass therethrough representing urine; and upon sufficient pressure being applied to the posterior chamber, a lower valve opens to allow such soft material to pass therethrough representing stools."
So, in short, this is a stuffed animal that can poop and pee. "The squeezing pressure applied to such posterior chamber is similar to the pressure experienced in human defecation."
"Disclosed is a toilet training device for toilet training of children, embodied as an animal, such as a bear, having a lower torso having anterior and posterior chambers with upper access ports for filling the anterior chamber with water and the posterior chamber with soft material. Upon sufficient pressure being applied to the anterior chamber, a lower valve opens to allow the water to pass therethrough representing urine; and upon sufficient pressure being applied to the posterior chamber, a lower valve opens to allow such soft material to pass therethrough representing stools."
So, in short, this is a stuffed animal that can poop and pee. "The squeezing pressure applied to such posterior chamber is similar to the pressure experienced in human defecation."
US patent number 4,262,900
Get ready for some creativity and non-obviousness! When we take a look at US patent number 4,262,900, we see a patent for a "Playground set". The inventor states:
"Swing sets for playground and backyard use are known, including those having slides and arm swings for small children. Also known are treehouses, firemen's poles such as firemen slide down when rushing to get their fire engines, and gym sets, including various kinds of exercise bars and parallel, hand-swinging, or walking bars. However, to date no one has provided a unit containing more than one of the aforesaid recreational items adapted to be used at a single location within confined quarters."
So, he is patenting the right to combine the use of a treehouse and a slide together. No one could have thought of that, except maybe a 4 year old who likes to walk up to his treehouse and then would like to slide down. But, if you ask an expert in the field of child toys, none of them would ever have guessed anything like that!
"Swing sets for playground and backyard use are known, including those having slides and arm swings for small children. Also known are treehouses, firemen's poles such as firemen slide down when rushing to get their fire engines, and gym sets, including various kinds of exercise bars and parallel, hand-swinging, or walking bars. However, to date no one has provided a unit containing more than one of the aforesaid recreational items adapted to be used at a single location within confined quarters."
So, he is patenting the right to combine the use of a treehouse and a slide together. No one could have thought of that, except maybe a 4 year old who likes to walk up to his treehouse and then would like to slide down. But, if you ask an expert in the field of child toys, none of them would ever have guessed anything like that!
US patent number D520,825
"A design patent for your laughing pleasure:
"The ornamental design for a fish shaped bottle opener, as shown and described"
See parent number D520,825"
"The ornamental design for a fish shaped bottle opener, as shown and described"
See parent number D520,825"
US patent number 6,820,478
"We would now like to investigate US patent number 6,820,478. Read this:
"A method of and system for buying or selling bras involves establishing a database of bras containing bra characteristic data including bra size and bra cup size measured from a sample of actual bras; measuring a wearer's breast and torso size to obtain wearer characteristic data; searching the database to find bra characteristic data within the database matching the wearer characteristic data; and listing for selection by the wearer any bras in the database whose characteristics match the wearer characteristic data."
So, basically, since bra makers cannot agree on a single reasonable measure, someone patents the idea of having a uniform measuring system for bras across companies. That is, of course, a great idea, but is it *patentable*? Should others be forbidden from measuring bras and keeping a database of the measurements?"
"A method of and system for buying or selling bras involves establishing a database of bras containing bra characteristic data including bra size and bra cup size measured from a sample of actual bras; measuring a wearer's breast and torso size to obtain wearer characteristic data; searching the database to find bra characteristic data within the database matching the wearer characteristic data; and listing for selection by the wearer any bras in the database whose characteristics match the wearer characteristic data."
So, basically, since bra makers cannot agree on a single reasonable measure, someone patents the idea of having a uniform measuring system for bras across companies. That is, of course, a great idea, but is it *patentable*? Should others be forbidden from measuring bras and keeping a database of the measurements?"
US patent number D527,861
"Another design patent for your laughing pleasure:
"The ornamental design for a beverage bottle-shaped snack food, as shown and described."
See patent number D527,861"
"The ornamental design for a beverage bottle-shaped snack food, as shown and described."
See patent number D527,861"
Geothermal cooling with cost estimate
So, I�m sure you�ve heard of the concept of geothermal cooling or heating, and I�m sure the following isn�t any new idea of mine alone.
Well, as you may be aware, the temperature of ground stays fairly constant throughout the year (depending on latitude). I�ve read the numbers vary from 45 to 75 degrees Fahrenheit. For the sake of this article, I�ll just say 60 degrees.
Now, heating and cooling make for large costs, and I am theoretically planning to move to North Carolina, where cooling costs could be significant. One number from HowStuffWorks.com about how air conditioners work states that you need about 30 BTU�s per square foot, so a 1000 square foot house needs 30000 BTU�s which translates to around 3500 watts (or $.28/hour at $.08 per kilowatt). 800 cooling hours per summer would then translate to over $200 of cooling costs. I don�t know if there is any truth in those numbers, but when you consider that a refrigerator consumes so much energy, then an air conditioner must be worse.
So it would be nice to capture this 60-degree coolness that is hanging around for free underground. One solution is to build a basement or underground house and live there, but that is too much effort and has a ton of drawbacks. The other way is to build a geothermal cooling system.
I decided to do a little reading up on this, and of course it�s already been done. You take some plastic tubing, run it into the ground and run it back up. You pump in hot air and out comes cool air. Simple enough. However, there are problems with this method, specifically that the tube gets wet, mouldy, and invites various creatures and pests to live in it. So that method was abandoned. Now, my idea has probably been tried and done before, but I just haven�t seen mention of it� So here it comes�
Basically, you pump water down through the tube instead of air. Water transmits heat better than air anyway (which is colder: sticking your arm into 0 degree air or into 35 degree water?). So basically, you have a large basin of water, then you pump the water down to about 6 or 7 feet underground. There it should take a relatively longish route so that it has time to cool off. Then the water comes back up and goes through a radiator to transfer the coolness of the water to the air. Then the water is returned to the basin and goes through the system again.
So what do you need? A pump to move the water around, many feet of copper piping, a car radiator, a holding tank for the water, and a fan. You could also add antifreeze to the system to avoid it freezing in winter and to increase conductivity.
So how much should such a system cost? Well, you could buy a new radiator for a few hundred dollars, but if you go to eBay, you can get one for around $30 (used and non-leaky). You can get a well pump on eBay for around $50. This would still take some consideration. You might actually need only a very, very weak pump. Well pumps are designed to bring water from underground to ground-level. This system is designed to circulate water. For every gallon that gets pumped up, one gallon goes down. Ignoring friction and temperature changes, circulating the water should take no work (once the water starts moving in a circle, it should never stop). However, friction cannot be ignored, so you need a certain amount of energy for that, and the temperature also presents a problem. Hot water rises, so the cold water would tend to move to the bottom and the hot water to the top, which is the opposite of what we want. So the pump would need a certain amount of power, but from my estimations, very little. A fan can be bought at Walmart for $10. The holding tank should also be cheap, if at all needed. I figure it should be used to allow a little buffer for expansion and contraction in the system due to temperature changes. A standard car expansion tank should do the job for $10 used on eBay.
So far we�re up to around $100. Now we need plumbing. At Lowe�s you can get 50 feet of flexible 1/2 inch copper piping for $36. That should actually suffice. We need about 10 feet for each travel direction (4 feet from the unit to the ground and 6 feet underground), which would leave us 30 feet of travelling room underground. This would give the water enough time to change temperature significantly.
So now it�s time for some calculations. First, how much water does the system hold? Well, the copper pipe holds:
(.5*.5)*pi*(50*12)=471 cubic inches.
One gallon is 231 cubic inches, so the pipe hold just about 2 gallons. The rest of the system holds about two gallons, depending on the size of the radiator and tank. So we�ll have about a four-gallon system. Just a random number, I�d say the water should stay a total of 1 minute in the 30-foot section at the bottom (just a random number, but it seems good). The 30 foot section holds 1.2 gallons, so the thing should pump 1.2 gallons per minute (GPM). A 3 GPM pump I saw on eBay goes at 12 volts and 5 amps, which according to Ohm�s law takes 60 watts. So 20 watts per GPM, so we�ll need 24 watts for the pump.
I made some cooling calculations, but they weren�t that positive. I�d have to see how the cooling works in real life.
Now, the goal is to save money. So, we actually don�t want to pay money. When is it hot? During the day, and specifically when it is sunny. So, you can get solar power during this time. Less sun means less power, but also less heat to cool offer. So, we�ll need around 100 watts of solar power. A pound of solar cells yield 75W, so we�ll take around 2 pounds. 3 pounds of broken solar cells goes for around $60 on eBay (they can be soldered together and they will work).
So for a total of around $250, you can maybe build the entire system including power source. After that it should be basically free (basic maintenance would be required, I suppose).
Well, I should have that implemented in Summer 2007.
Direct Banking Bargains
Find the best online saving rates
There has been a recent increase in the popularity of online "direct" banking. For the few of you reading this page who don't know what that means, basically, banks are offering savings accounts with rather high interest rates and minimal customer service. Most or all deposits are made online through electronic transfers from your existing bank accounts. Since your account costs them almost nothing, you get excelent interest rates. However, this is not for everyone! If you demand constant customer service, you may find yourself disappointed. Most such accounts have a minimum deposit of $1 or a similar trivial amount. One way that I use such accounts, rather than chasing the absolute highest rates, is to categorize money. I have a savings account for the coming baby, a savings account for "just for fun" money for Nadja, a savings account for specific coming expenses, etc.
The point of this page is to provide a rather large list of providers and their current interest rates, as well as their historical interest rates (that is, when I update this page, I will not erase old interest rates, but rather move them to another column). I hope this page helps.
Bank name Minimum balance (deposit) ABA routing number Comments Interest rate: 6/27/07 FNBODirect $0 ($1) 104000016 Promotional interest rate until at least 9/29/2007 6.00% HSBCDirect $0 ($1) 022000020 One can also get a free checking account 5.05% EmigrantDirect $0 ($1) 226070319 5.05% UFBDirect $0 ($0) 274070484 (bank name: SkyBank) Hard to transfer online. Only good if you can push money in/pull money out through another account 5.31% PayPal $0 ($0) N/A Not a bank account. Interest not guaranteed/not FDIC insured. Makes a good spending account due to debit card with attached cash back and no limit on number of transfers. 5.04% ING Direct (Orange Savings) $0 ($?) 031176110 The original direct bank 4.50% GMAC Bank $500 ($50) 031176136 Fees of $7.50/month if you do not maintain a $500 average daily balance 5.30% Washington Mutual $300 ($1) 322271627 Fees of $4/month if you do not maintain a balance of $300 every day 5.00% CitiBank Direct e-Savings (unclear) 021000089 Tied to a Citibank checking account 4.50% VirtualBank eMoney Market $0 ($100) 067092200 Tiered interest rates, but higher rates start at $50,000 4.60% iGObanking $0 ($1) 026072928 5.30% eTrade Complete Savings $0 ($1) 256072691 5.05%
The dumbest patents in the USA
A list of what the US patent office considers patentable, but what is actually dumb
What is a patent? A patent is an incentive for invention. It allows an inventor to have a monopoly on an invention for a limited period of time in exchange for the inventor releasing information about the invention. An excelent idea, but sadly, some things have been patented which should not be patented! The US patent office allows many non-inventions to be patented, giving the non-inventors the right to annoy and sue anyone who "infringes" on their non-invention! I hope to give the US patent office a red face by exposing what they consider to be a patent.
NOTE: A patent should not be confused with a copyright! A copyright is on media of various forms. If you take a picture or write an article, that is copyrighted. A copyright is not something you apply for in the United States, but something that is automatically granted. If you write something, then it is automatically copyrighted by you. In the United States you do not even have to write "Copyright by (xxx), 2006". The copyright is a protection of creative media works and is automatic. A copyright in the US typically expires 70 years after the death of the person to copyright it. The owner of a copyright can sell or give away the copyright or he can release it into the public domain (remove the copyright). There are rules on what can and cannot be copyrighted, but a copyright is not an invention and an invention is not a copyright. Do not get them confused.
Let us get started: what does an item have to be to be granted a patent? There are 4 basic requirements:
1. It has to be patentable subject matter. Specifically, literary works are not patentable. Things that can be manufactured and manufacturing processes are patentable.
2. It has to be novel, that is, some part of the invention must be new. For example, I cannot patent the wheel (even if I reinvent it), since the wheel is not new.
3. The patent has to be non-obvious. So, if you have a porch, an obvious way to keep rain from falling on it is to build a roof over it. Therefore a porch roof is not patentable. A non-obvious way is to construct a force-field that keeps the rain away - that would most certainly be patentable (assuming the force-field has not yet been invented).
4. It has to be useful.
If we look at some US patents, we see that these guidelines are not followed. To see a list of the bad patents, please see other posts in this blog.
If you find more bad patents, let me know!
Review: XETrade
Do you need to make an internation transfer?
XETrade is a company that will help you exchange money and make internation transfers. Read this review to find out the details.
For most people the following issue is irrelevant, but for some, this issue can be important � and complicated. The issue is international money transfer. In my case, for those who don�t know me, I am marrying a German (I myself being American) and we are planning to move to the US in the near future. My fianc�e has some savings here in Germany and we wanted to bring some of it to America. Of course, moving money isn�t as easy one could hope. Cash isn�t a great idea. It�s risky and the bank exchange rates are bad. Travelers checks are also plagued by high rates (lower than cash, I think), but at least the risk is lower. However, a transfer would be much simpler.
I talked to the Deutsche Bank in Germany and they said it would cost around 4% plus whatever costs the bank in America would charge (I think typically around $50 for an incoming wire transfer). That�s too expensive.
It would have worked with Citibank, since they exist in both Germany and America, but for some reason they refused to give me a bank account in America.
So, I looked around a little bit and I found a company called XETrade (www.xetrade.com). They made some claims on their website about being able to transfer money with rates that they guarantee as the best, but I failed to find any good reviews (this is the reason that I am writing this review now). Because I failed to find any other good option, I decided to give this company a try.
Signing up:
This was harder than I had expected, but not without reason. XETrade has legal obligations not to transfer money for criminals or criminal purposes, so they do some identity checks. Here�s what was needed:
*A credit reference (a landlord, bank account representative, someone who manages your mortgage, people who gave you a loan for a car, etc).
*Two forms of identification (I used a driver�s license and a passport). These can be scanned into your computer and uploaded by a secure file transfer or you can fax them or if you request the mailing address, you can mail them. The secure file transfer is a really good idea, and I made sure the certificate was valid and all that.
*A signed contact. Again, this can be sent via secure file transfer, fax, or mail.
After you have signed up, they will email you asking you for a good time to call up. At the time specified, they will give you a telephone call (at the number you signed up with!) and they will ask you to confirm the information that was used in signing up. They will also ask some other security related questions. The man I talked to was very friendly and the conversation went smoothly. Have your non-American bank account information ready, since they will probably ask for this (they want to know what bank account you�ll be sending money from).
Shortly after that they will activate your account. After entering your US bank account information (EFT is the type of transfer you�ll probably want) you can start trading.
Once you make a trade, you will have to transfer the money to their European bank account. Their bank is Bank of America in Frankfurt, Germany. If you live in Germany, this means that your transfer will cost the same as a standard transfer (Ueberweisung) which is free with many bank accounts. The bank uses a standard German Bankleitzahl (bank code) and account number. This means you can even make the transfer from your living room if you have online banking with online transfers. So let me review the transfer�
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005, 9:49AM German time. The current rate is listed as 0.830556 Euros per dollar. The rate I accepted was 0.84017989 Euros per dollar. I decided to sell 100 Euros, which means I should have gotten $120.40 if life were perfect. Life isn�t perfect so instead I got $119.02. This means I lost $1.38 (1 Euro and 15 Cents). To be relatively exact, I lost 1.146% of my money.
Wednesday, December 14th, 2005, 10:20AM German time. I transferred the money from the bank account in Germany.
Friday, December 16th, 2005. XETrade reports that my transfer has been received.
Monday, December 19th, 2005. An EFT transfer of $119.02 is cleared in my Bank of America account in America.
So the total processing time was 5 days, or in my case just 3 business days (I�m not sure what would have happened if I had transferred the money on Monday�).
So, I�ll sum it up:
*Total cost: 1.146% of the money transferred (there may be transfer fees outside of Germany if you are in the EU). Otherwise there are no fees. They claim this is the best fee in the industry and offer a guarantee to that effect.
Here�s a list of pros and cons:
Pros:
*Excellent prices. For example, 1000 euros of traveler�s checks currently cost $1244.42. They should cost (in a perfect world) $1184.88, so you lose $59.54 or 4.784%. Another comparison: PayPal charges 2.7% to change currency.
*It goes from your current German (or European) bank account into your current American bank account. There is no need to change banks.
*It�s pretty fast (transfer completed in 5 days)
*Friendly and responsive customer service.
*You can make small transfers (my first transfer was only 100 euros)
Cons:
*You must have a bank account (or a friend with a bank account) in both countries. This means if you don�t have a bank account yet, you�ll have to sign up for one. This can be a pain if you don�t currently reside in that country.
*The signup process can take a while.
So, overall, I�d say this is probably the best option. Unless you have something that you know is cheaper and works better (please tell me if you do), give this company a try.
Also, if you found this review helpful and you have a website, feel free to post a link to this review. Currently, as of this writing, if you Google XETrade Review you don�t get any good websites.
-Michael
Monday, February 11, 2008
FAQ
Some questions
Read on...
Frequently Asked Questions about Michael Nehring
What is your middle name? Peter, my father's name.
Do you have a nickname? Kinda. Brian.
Has anyone actually asked you the above questions? Not really.
How tall are you? 5 feet, and 9.5 inches. I think this is exactly average for an adult male.
What brand deodorant do you use? Why do you ask me such questions? Oh, wait, no one is actually asking me these questions. These are just questions that I made up for myself to waste my own time. I use Right Guard. By the way, Old Spice is evil and causes rashes.
What is your favorite soda? Diet Caffeine Free Coca Cola (brown bubble water as it is often called).
When is your birthday? February 16th, 1985
So, how old are you? Come on, do the subtraction yourself! If I tell you here, this page will become out of date.
Where do you study? As of this writing, I am an undergraduate at the University of Connecticut, in Storrs (nowhere), CT, USA. However, also as of this writing, I am in a study abroad program, so I am sitting at my computer in Freiburg, Germany in the StuSie.
What do you study? Mathematics. My plan is to some day get a Ph.D. in math, so that on the front page I can call myself "Doctor Michael Nehring" instead of "Mister Michael Nehring." Also, at parties, when people say "Mr. Nehring" or "Michael," I can cough twice, then say "I didn't go through graduate school and write a revolutionary dissertation to be called 'Mister'!"
Why did you make this website? Good question. Because I can. Also, to make you love me more. I detected that before you came to this website, you didn't really like me that much. Since I am so lovable, I knew that telling you about myself using too much sarcasm would make you truely love me. The real reason is that I need a place to rant, and I have been banned from every Internet forum (the second half of the last sentence was a lie. There are very many lies on this website).
When did you make this website? Hmm. Good question. I think I started this version some time around May 2002, but it is a work in progress. I try to add more interesting features as I go along.
There are 6 apples and I take 2 away, how many do I have? If I answer 4, you will say "no I have 2. I took 2 away, so those two are the apples that I have." If I say 2, you will say "6 minus 2 is 4, dummy." Ha, I already outwitted you all (or at least I outwitted myself).
The Guide to Love
Welcome to "The Guide to Love" by professor Michael Nehring.
Page: 1/8
Since I am a scientific minded man, I at once grabbed this creature, as surely it was a new species. I took it with me into the language college, downstairs where no one else was. The creature, to my amazement, began talking to me. It asked me in German what I planned to do with him. I responded in German, saying that my German wasn't good, and it would be much better if he could speak English (I pointed out that should be obvious, as I went into a language school!). So, the creature started talking in English. So, we had a conversation, and it turned out that he was none other than Cupid, the one who ties hearts together.
I thus asked him the secrets of the heart and I asked him why he had not revealed the secrets to other people. He said he attempted to reveal the secrets to others, but he had trouble setting up his website, as he was old and had not grown up in the computer age. I then informed him that I have made a few websites, and I would be happy to make a website on his behalf. He then began to share the secrets of love, which I now gladly share with you.
Remember, if any of the words I write upset you, they are not my words, but Cupid's. Blame him. If Cupid sounds like he's trying to be funny, but isn't, it's probably something lost in translation, as Cupid's primary language is the funny little language that only a few people speak in Switzerland, but is still an official language of the country. Cupid likes to talk to himself.
Please click the links below to continue to the sections of interest. Even if you think a section does not apply to you (maybe because you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, are of the wrong gender, are married, have been castrated, or are dead), read it anyway, because the more people that read it, the more likely that it will be linked to on various websites, and thus get a high Google ranking, which next to achieving love, is the most important task for a human being.
Page: 2/8
Page: 1/8
This website contains all the secrets of love, the opposite sex, and marriage. How do I know such secrets? Well, I recently traveled to Freiburg, Germany. As very few people know, this is where Cupid has his winter home. Cupid enjoys the fine skiing in Switzerland to the immediate south, but likes the lifestyle in Freiburg. One day I was riding the street car to my language school. I was walking toward the door to get off, but the driver of the street car suddenly hit the brakes due to a car breaking the traffic rules. Since I was not holding on to anything, I fell over and instinctively reached out and grabbed on to the nearest thing, which happened to be the dress of a large women who was standing next to me. The dress came off, but not to reveal a naked women (hi Google porn searchers!), but rather to collapse to the ground and reveal a little guy with wings.
Since I am a scientific minded man, I at once grabbed this creature, as surely it was a new species. I took it with me into the language college, downstairs where no one else was. The creature, to my amazement, began talking to me. It asked me in German what I planned to do with him. I responded in German, saying that my German wasn't good, and it would be much better if he could speak English (I pointed out that should be obvious, as I went into a language school!). So, the creature started talking in English. So, we had a conversation, and it turned out that he was none other than Cupid, the one who ties hearts together.
I thus asked him the secrets of the heart and I asked him why he had not revealed the secrets to other people. He said he attempted to reveal the secrets to others, but he had trouble setting up his website, as he was old and had not grown up in the computer age. I then informed him that I have made a few websites, and I would be happy to make a website on his behalf. He then began to share the secrets of love, which I now gladly share with you.
Remember, if any of the words I write upset you, they are not my words, but Cupid's. Blame him. If Cupid sounds like he's trying to be funny, but isn't, it's probably something lost in translation, as Cupid's primary language is the funny little language that only a few people speak in Switzerland, but is still an official language of the country. Cupid likes to talk to himself.
Please click the links below to continue to the sections of interest. Even if you think a section does not apply to you (maybe because you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, are of the wrong gender, are married, have been castrated, or are dead), read it anyway, because the more people that read it, the more likely that it will be linked to on various websites, and thus get a high Google ranking, which next to achieving love, is the most important task for a human being.
Page: 2/8
Puberty: Your biggest mistake
Puberty: this is the first step in the love process, and it is the most resisted step, and rightly so. Before puberty, the individual is perfectly happy thing that boys/girls are gross (depending on the gender of the individual). Those are good thoughts to maintain, as boys/girls are, in fact, gross (if you don't believe me, take a biology class with a dissection lab, or watch a Discovery Channel documentation of open heart surgery). Puberty should thus be resisted.
The best method of resistance is denial. Continue to deny the fact that you've gone through puberty until you are 60 years old, and all the puberty-caused changes have been nullified. Another method of resistance is to mock those actively going through puberty. For men, whenever a young man's voice cracks, you should repeat his last sentence 2 or 3 things, exagerating the vocal crack to an extreme degree. If you are unable to mimmick the crack with your own vocal chords, you should carry a 72 RPM record player with you are all times, with an old Peter, Paul and Mary record, and when you get to the part of the sentence where the young man's voice cracked, turn the record player up full blast and slide the neddle back and forth across the record. Women, you task is more fun. Whenever a young women goes out to buy a new bra of a new size, you should do the following. Take the most elastic bra you can find, and take two paint balls, and then form a sling-shot from the bra. Use the sling-shot-bra to flight the paintballs at the young women who is going out to buy a new bra. These actions will cause these young people to generate anti-puberty hormones.
However, you must be able to take advantage of these hormones yourself, or your efforts would only be in vain. Thus, invite the person you harrassed out to dinner. As soon as both of you have your plates in front of you, snatch his/her plate from him/her and eat everything on it, and then, if you haven't already eaten your own food, offer your own food to him/her.
However, for some of you, this information comes too late. You have already gone through puberty. Cupid begs you to pass this information along to the younger generation, so as to scare them for life, so his (Cupid's) work load would be lighter. Seriously, he's pretty sick of matching up couples. But, that is his job, so in the following pages, he will reveal those secrets to you.
Attracting a woman
One of the most perplexing questions facing men (who have mistakenly gone through puberty) is: how do I attract women? The simple answer is this: it's not possible to attract women. Women are not attracted to men, and especially not to you (as I know exactly who you are, despite the fact that this is a static webpage)! However, Cupid told me not to tell you that, but to offer the following lies instead.
Looks:
Women require you to look as if you spend 10 hours per day in the gym, and every free moment in front of the mirror plucking extra hairs. However, they also require that you never go to the gym, and never spend a second in front of a mirror, as 100% of your time must be dedicated to them. There is only one solution: plastic surgery and lots of it. As with all life's problems, having a lot of money can make it better, and this is no exception. Michael Jackson is considered the sexiest man alive. While you are waiting for your plastic surgery, here are some more tips. If you have a beer gut, don't let it hang out the bottom of your shirt, as Cupid finds this gross and told me to tell you to stop doing it. Except for many rashes and occasional death due to internal consumption, deodorant never hurt anyone. Showering once per week also helps.
Sense of humor:
Women require that you be able to make her laugh when she wants to laugh, not only that, but you must be able to magically tell the second when she wants to laugh. There is a 5 minute period during each hour when she wants to laugh, and a 1 minute period during each ten minutes. She randomly decides the times at the beginning of each day. If you do not make her laugh during these times, she will stop talking to you and say that she thinks it's about time to go home. If you make her laugh outside of these times, she will say that you don't take life seriously.
Things/stuff/money:
The more the better. Steal if needed.
Personallity:
A woman wants a man who is both generous, but keeps enough to provide for her. Who is gentle but strong. Who is outgoing, yet reserved. Who is courageous but fearful. In other words, a woman is looking for a logical contradiction. Thankfully, for me, this is good. As a mathematician, I know many logical contradictions. So, to attract women, I will approach them, show them that I have a lot of money and many cars and an appointment with a plastic surgeon, and then pull out a pencil and paper, and prove to them, using a contradiction, that the squareroot of 2 must be an irrational number. Then I'll tell a joke saying that using similar logic, I can prove that women are irrational. They'll love me.
Attracting a man
While attracting a women is impossible, attracting a man is quite easy. However, as discussed, women are not attracted men, so they have no reason to attract men, except to play with them as a cat plays with a mouse. Cupid likes cats. So, Cupid told me to pass these tips along to you.
Looks:
You must be exactly 5' 8", 120 pounds, and have the breast size determined by the bra company that week (they determine the breast size by which size bras they have an overstock of). If you do not look exactly like this, you are ugly. Cupid, like Michael (the author of the rest of the site) tends to be quite sarcastic. Maybe that's why Michael and Cupid got along so well. Cupid would like to inform you that a) you will probably never look like the New York fassion models and b) you should be happy that fact 'a' is true, because men really aren't attracted to those models. Only women are attracted to these models, because the CEO's of fassion companies tells the women that if the women look like that, they can be like cats and men will be like mice. Cupid likes cats. The CEO's of fassion companies enjoy manipulating women, like cats playing with mice. Cupid hates cats.
Sense of Humor:
Your sense of humor must be 5' 8", 120 pounds, and... Ha ha. Got you! If your sense of humor is that overweight, no man will like you! Your sense of humor must lose 5 pounds in the next week. Here is the key to sense of humor: if the man is drooling, he's not listening to what you're saying. No sense of humor is required at those moments. You can use that time to do homework or call friends. If a man farts, the good things to do is fart back and laugh about it. That is a true sense of humor. That is all you need to know.
Things/stuff/money:
Make him pay for everything. Anything else would be unladylike. If he does not give you large quantities of things/stuff/money, start complaining, and tell him he is not fulfilling his duty to you. He, like all men, is stupid. He will do anything you say.
Personallity:
Your personality must be 5' 8", 120 pounds, and... Again I fooled you! Again, if the man is drooling, no personallity is required. You may go to sleep or make plans to become president of the USA. During the times the man is not drooling, you should constantly change your personallity, so as to confuse him. Since he is stupid and doesn't want to be confused, he will put himself into a constant state of drooling, and thus you will be able to continue with your life as normal.
Page: 5/8
Relationship part 1: Approach
In the typical relationship, approach is the first step. Of course, I do not recommend a typical relationship. I advice that you start with death, move on to marriage, jump to approach, then dating, the marriage again, then approach again, that way by the time you come to the last approach, you will already know the person very well, and it won't be awkward.
However, I know no one here will follow my advice about the order, so Cupid told me how one should approach another following the rules of a typical relationship. There are two types of people in the world: extroverts, who don't need this advice, and introverts who won't listen to it because they are too nervous. Clearly this advice is utterly useless. Thankfully, the Internet is full of useless stuff (from a shop for hypo-allergenic steering wheel covers to international news), so I have no problem posting this advice none the less.
Traditionally, the man has to initiate the contact with the woman. This is still essentially true today (sorry introverted guys). It used to be that a relationship would start like this: Man: Um, yeah, um, hi, I have to go to the bathroom. (5 minutes later the man returns. His hand has a lot of scribbling on it).
Man: Um, hi, would you like to go with me to a box social?
Woman: Yes
Man: Will you marry me?
Woman: Yes
It used to be simple and clear like this. There was a clear definition to where the relationship began. This is no longer the case. First the man and woman must become friends through a long and grueling process. Once they have become friends, the man is insanely in love with the woman, and the woman has decided that a relationship would be a bad idea, because she doesn't want to ruin the friendship. Fortunantly, for the sake of continuation of the species, sometimes the woman can be tricked into thinking differently. A man cannot do this trickery himself as he is too dumb. He must instead rely on the woman's female friends. The woman's female friends think it is cute that the woman has a boyfriend, so they will be able to help you ("you" meaning the man, as the knowledge of the approach stage is not required if you are a woman).
After the woman's friends have had a talk with the woman, the woman will realize that she wants to be in a "special" relationship with you. She will invite you to have a "talk." Normally, talking time can be reserved for drooling, as described in the section about attracting men. However, this talk is actually different. Men, listen! You must actually pay attention during this talk. This talk will basically will be where you can finally admit that you are attracted to this woman.
At this point in the relationship you should hire a lawyer to write an agreement that you both sign that puts forward some stipulations about what should happen if the relationship terminates (one stipulation will be that the woman must explain to the man the meaning of the word "stipulation," as the woman's vocabulary is much larger than the man's). Once the lawyer is done writing the agreement, grab it from him and run out of his office without paying him. Now you and your partner can never split, because you have commited a crime together.
Page: 6/8
Relationship part 2: Going steady
What does "going steady" really mean? I don't know, and neither does Cupid. However, Cupid insisted that I write something.
As far as Cupid and I could tell, "going steady" is the part of the relationship where each partner admits that the other partner is his/her girlfriend/boyfriend (depending on the gender of the partner). Here are some tips for those who are going steady.
Public Displays of Affection (PDA):
First, computer nerds, jokes comparing public displays of affection (PDA's) and personal digital assistants (PDA's) aren't funny. If you tell one of these to your girlfriend, she will give you any more PDA's and she will take your PDA and smash it (and you'll lose your high score in Pinball). If you and your significant other decide to make-out, please show some respect for the people around you. Many people don't mind watching people in movies kiss each other, but that's only because the people in the movies are professional kissers. You are not. If your poor kissing ability causes drool to run onto the public bench you are sitting on, please be so kind as to wipe it up. Also, if you are waiting in line and you start kissing and the line moves forward, please move forward with it.
It is important that you are able to openly admit your affection for your partner, however no one said that this has to be done by tasting the other member's lunch after he/she has eaten it. It is important to love your partner without hating your neighbor.
Doing stuff together:
Rule 34.5 c, section ii) of the Going Steady Code (part of the Geneva convention) says that if a man and a woman are going steady, they should go to the doctor to get surgery to become attached at the hip (so that the joke will be on people who try to make jokes about being attached at the hip). This probably won't happen. However, the message of the Going Steady Code still applies. You must do a lot of stuff together. This way you can fully upset each other before you get married, so that when you get married you'll be used to it. One important thing is eating together. This means you will no longer be able to grab a quick 2 minute lunch by taking food and tossing it in the microwave. Every meal must last a minimum of 2 hours. I, Michael, a great philosopher recently logically deducted the reason for meals being so important (it has to do with the German language and irregular verbs). Cupid, having lived in Germany, assures me that my deduction is correct. If you wish to read the deduction, please click here.
Talking:
Homer Simpson assures us that the problem with relationship is communication... Too much communication. He is correct. However, as we know all too well, American never listens to its television set, so people have continued to communicate in relationships. Since I can't say anything to stop this, I might as well give some advice for communicating. First, if you have cute names for each other (snuggle bun, honey lips, or compactor), please make sure that less than half your conversation consists of these words. This is NOT an example of a good conversation:
Man: Hey, snuggle bun
Woman: Oh, honey lips.
Man: Snuggle bun you're like a compactor, doll, or baby to me.
Also, don't talk about politics. If you agree on a topic, the conversation will consist mainly of "yeah! I know!" If you disagree, you'll just upset each other and no one will change their opinions.
The ultimate conversation is mathematics. People cannot disagree, and if both people at a point with they say "Yeah! I know!" they can move onto a topic where they can't say that. Therefore Cupid and I recommend that couples take math classes together.
Friends:
One thing that is confusing about Going Steady is what to do with regular friends. The appropriate thing to do is tell your partner that he/she may not spend time with his/her friends, but you must continue to hang out with your friends as normal. It is important that both partners do this. This is a long standing tradition, and who I am to speak out against such a stupid custom? One thing that modern philosophy demands is that there no such thing as truth, so therefore it is illogical for me to criticize such a stupid custom. I love modern philosophy (I love it, because hating it would be judgemental, and being judgemental indicates that there is such thing as truth).
age: 7/8
Relationship part 3: Marriage
Marriage is the most important part of the relationship. It's the part of the relationship where you realize that you don't have the energy to search for another partner, so you resign yourself to a single partner for life. Did I say "resign yourself"? Ooops my finger slipped and I am too lazy to hit backspace. Honestly, however, despite the negative view put on marriage by television, marriage should be a joyous and expensive occasion.
Proposing:
Again, men, it is your job to propose. There are many different ways to propose, and every women knows exactly how she wants you to propose to her. If you do not do it exactly in this manner, she will not agree to marry you, thus giving you a heart attack and killing you. Therefore, for the sake of your own life, you must find out how to propose. Thankfully, your girlfriend's female friends know all the details. If you follow the advised method for approach, you will already know the girl's friends. However, it won't be easy to extract this information from them. They think it is cute that this girl has a boyfriend, but it's not "cute" to be married. They know once she gets married she won't hang out with them any more. So, basically, to get this information you will have to buy it from them. Here is what you must do. Suppose your girlfriend's name is "Jen." First, buy a car and drive it to the house of one of Jen's friends (preferably when other friends are also there). Invite them for a ride in your new car. Let one of the friends drive and start this conversation: You: How does Jen want to be proposed to?
Friend: I can't tell you that.
You: Then I guess I'll have to donate this car to colon cancer research instead of giving it to you.
Friend: Sign the title over to me and I'll tell you.
In the mean time - waiting for the wedding:
During this time you must save money for the wedding. You must spend a whole year's wages in 45 minutes at the wedding. No one is quite sure where all the money goes, but this is a long-standing tradition and who are you to defy it? During this time you must also set a time and a place for the wedding, which should not only be convenient for your future wife, but also for your future wife's friends. The man should have no say in when and where it will be, because everyone knows that no matter when or where it is, the man spend the night before the wedding slouching on his couch in his messy apartment watching football or informercials.
The special day:
The woman will have spent the past 300 hours just getting dressed for this event. For the man it takes a total of 2 minutes - and even less if he forgets to put on deodorant. You should have already invited everyone you could think of. This includes your step-grandmother's ex-gardner who will insist on calling you "Bill and Beth" no matter what your actual names are. You should also make sure that parking spaces are not clearly labeled, so that when your guests park they will get tickets then forward the tickets to you. This will make you even more broke. Being broke builds character. I was going to write a complete guide for how to run your wedding, but it turns out there are many great books and magazines on the topic, and if I wrote a guide here with the help of Cupid then I would drive all those companies out of business, and the DOJ would come after me because I am a monopoly and they would force me to remove Internet Explorer from my product, because, due to the environmentalist, the DOJ is now required to recycle past decisions.
Page: 8/8
Relationship part 4: Divorce or death
All things must come to an end. This includes your relationship. There are two options for terminating your relationship. These methods are explained to you by the minister during your marriage ceremony.
Minister: "Do you
So, the options are death (section 385 of the US penal code) or divorce (section 384). However, Congress recently decided that death is not enjoyable, so they are considering outlawing death, making divorce the only legal way out of a relationship.
Michael the mathematician
I know some people reading this now are from one of my math classes. Hi!
Anyway, math is probably one of my favorite topics. Why? Because I beat my older sister at it:-). Basically, here's the story (I've told it a million times, so you can skip it if you've heard it before). Anyway, one day when I was 4 years old (note: I just turned 4, because we moved when I was 4 in May and my birthday is in February, but I was still in the old house, known as the "green house"). Anyway, I was 4 years old and my sister, Katherine, age 6, was in public school at that time. Katherine walked in the door and I was busy working on a math problem. The problem (I remember exactly) was 8888+8888. Those of you who are not 100% relient on calculators can see that that problem requires a mathematical technique known as "carrying" (in fact, you have to carry multiple times!). As far as I can tell, carrying is a topic taught in 2nd grade (if you disagree, please tell me. I'm just going with what I saw on the Internet in teacher curriculum). Anyway, Katherine did not know how to do the problem. Katherine was bigger, stronger, and louder than I and she was bossy and I was somewhat submissive, but I finally had something that Katherine didn't, so I decided to like math.
To give you an idea of how geeky I was at math, when we'd go on vacation, a favorite pass time of mine was multiplying fractions. I'd get my mother to write a bunch of fractions to multiply with each other (maybe 10 or so fractions all multiplied with each other). I would then spend my time reducing the fractions. Once I had reduced all the common factors, I would multiply. It was great fun.
Other than my parents, I can count my other math teachers on one hand (as of this writing). They are Dr. Kelly and Dr. McGowan of CCSU, and Dr. Madych, Dr. Kyle Kneisl, and Dr. You of UConn (Dr. Kneisl left UConn and teaching, which is too bad). I'd like to thank Dr. Kelly for teaching me mathematical precision and finesse. My mother had tried for years to get me to write out my steps in a clear manner, but I would always do all the steps in my head (I would be able to look at most problems and solve them in my head).
Anyway, at the moment I've plowed through the 3 step calculus sequence, differential equations, and a proofs writing class which also introduced some more abstract higher math topics. In the fall I should be taking combinatorics (counting), linear algebra, and a math history class.
Note to people who are interested in math and have a good grasp of some college math, I highly recommend the book "Journey Through Genius" by William Dunham. Dr. Kneisl recommended this book to me when I was in his MATH 213Q class, and while UConn was out drinking on Spring Weekend in X Lot, I was in the physics building reading that book. Some people say that abstract math is just chasing symbols across a page, but unlike other sciences, once the chasing is done, the result is always the same (and will remain the same forever). That book contains some of the most profound symbol chasing of all time. Nothing complex, but that's the beauty of it.
If there is any topic I would consider a higher education in, it would be math. Right now I am contemplating the possibility of applying to math graduate school to get a PhD in math. I already have some ideas for my dissertation, but the problem is that many geniuses of tried their hands at those problems and have gotten stuck. The problem is that if I got a PhD in math, I wouldn't get a job involving math (see the "Michael the businessman" section for an explanation).
So, for those of you who have a high enough math education, I have a problem for you. This was one of the bonus problems on Dr. Kneisl's 213Q final for Spring 2003. He didn't actually ask for a proof, but he just asked us to "collect evidence" that a statement was true. I wasn't able to furnish a full proof on the exam, but I did get one later. He claimed a graduate school education was needed to get the answer right, but I think everything needed to solve that problem was covered in MATH 213Q. I will try to explain this problem in full detail. Suppose we are dealing with the first 'n' numbers (the first 5 numbers would be 0, 1, 2, 3, and 4, but NOT 5). For our purposes no other numbers exist. Now we are dealing with multiplication. It's just like normal multiplication, except that if we get up to or above 'n', we have to adjust somehow, as for our purpose no number larger than or equal to 'n' exists. So, what we'll do is we'll subtract off 'n' until we get a number that does exist for our purposes. For example, with the first 5 numbers (n=5) let's say we want to multiply 3*4, that would give us 12, but 12 isn't a number in our small world. So, let's subtract off 'n', so 12-n=12-5=7, but that's still out of our world. So, let's do it again, 7-n=7-5=2. Ah, 2 is a number in our world. So, when n=5, 3*4=2 (pretty cool, huh?). Now, let's say n=6. I want to play around with squares, so I'm going to square every number in our new universe. 0*0=0, 1*1=1, 2*2=4, 3*3=9, but that's too big, so 3*3=9-6=3, 4*4=16, but that's too big, so 4*4=16-6=10-6=4, and 5*5=25, but that's too big again, so 5*5=25-6-6-6-6=1. Now, we notice something interest, some elements are their own squares! When we're dealing with the real numbers, the only numbers which have this property are 0 and 1, but here we see 3*3=3 and 4*4=4. So, a geek might ask himself, in a general case, how many numbers will there be that have this property? Suppose 'n' has 'k' unique prime factors, the answer, as it turns out, is that there are 2^k elements with this property (2^k means 2 to the power of 'k'). So, 8=2*2*2*2, which only has 1 unique prime factor (2), so there is 2^1=2 elements that have that property. 60=2*2*3*5, which has 3 unique prime factors (2, 3, and 5), so there will be 2^3=8 elements that are their own square. The question is, how do you prove this?
I'll give a couple hints for the above problem. The sum of 2 choose 0 + 2 choose 1 + 2 choose 2=2^2=4 (a similar sum for 3 would equal 2^3=8). That can be proven for the general case using induction (or you can take my word for it). Also if one number, 'c' has a certain set of prime factors, the next number up, c+1, will share NONE of c's prime factors.
That's all I have for math at the moment...
Michael the philosopher
This is my page of random "wise" sayings and thoughts.
Compared to me, those greek people are just a bunch of silly folks. Some of these won't make much sense to everyone and some may be inside jokes, but all of Plato's work was actually one large inside joke (everything he wrote meant two different things for two different codes that he devised for his two mistresses. So what one mistress read meant a completely different thing from what the other one read, and what everyone else read was pure gibberish, and thus it is currently held in high regard. Note: I think I'm lying).
"Death, decay, and mutant frogs" ... "Are we gonna die?".
The other day I was thinking about pride. I hear a lot of boasting about how good their ancestors are. But what is better? To have ancestors who did something great or to do something great yourself. You can go around and parade about how good your great-great-grandparents were, but I'd prefer to go out and make a difference myself. If we spend too much time admiring what was done in the past, we won't have much of a future.
A lot of people will say "I am who I am". There's nothing wrong with being who you are. I have to say, I have a lot of respect for the individual. It takes more effort to be yourself rather than part of a large drone system. Anyway, I find that people use "I am who I am" as an excuse for not trying to improve themselves (I've probably done it too). Well, that's not the way it should be. There are no excuses for not improving oneself.
The other day, I was wondering why eating was such a common event of a romantic date. Since I have had minimal experience dating or other such romantic events, I consider myself an expert on the issue. I think the roots of this phenomenon comes from the German language. In German the word for "he" is "er" (said "air"). The word for "to be" is "sein" and the word for to eat is "essen". These look very far apart, but we'll see some similarities soon. To say "he is", that's "er ist", and to say "he eats", you say "er isst". When one says those out loud, they sound alike. Well, so, from that you could say "Wenn er nicht allein ist, ist er nicht allein" (if he isn't alone, he isn't alone). That's clearly a tautology, so that statement must be true. From that statement, we can derive the same statement if said outloud, which is "Wenn er nicht allein ist, isst er nicht allein". Since that sounds the same as our previous statement, it must also be a tautology. That statement reads as "When he isn't alone, he doesn't eat alone". So, from that, it's clear that if a person isn't alone (isn't single), then that person cannot possibly eat alone, and therefore, to be not single, you cannot eat alone, and why not eat with your significant other? So, we can deduct from the German language, that you are not permitted to eat by yourself if you have a significant other. I'm not one for long snacks where I sit around and talk for 20 minutes, so being single looks more attractive.
Michael the athlete
I was thinking about leaving a big blank page here as a joke.
The fact is, compared to other people, I'm not much of an athlete. However, athleticism isn't always about being better than the next guy, but rather being your personal best, and that's what I strive for. Back in 1999 (I think) I was looking for the magic fix to make me big and strong and skinny and I found Myoplex protein shakes. They didn't promise to be a miracle, but they were better than nothing and they didn't have deadly warnings. I picked up a box and found a "Body For Life" pamphlet. Inside was a guy saying, basically, "just give exercise 12 weeks and it will change your life." He wasn't offering a summer body or a quick 3 week fix, but he was offering what the name was, a "Body For Life". I decided to give the whole exercise thing a shot, and it worked out great. I've been in my best health ever. While I'm not huge and macho like the people in the ads, I feel great.
I would highly recommend exercise to those considering it and those who want to feel better. Note, I have to include the full disclaimer that you should consult your doctor before you start an exercise program. I don't know you, and maybe exercise will explode your heart and make your eyes melt. But call your doctor now, I don't care if his/her office is closed. Leave a message! But don't exercise for the wrong reasons. If you exercise to "lose weight", you may find that you've lost 5 pounds of water and you feel junky all the time and you don't look any better (which is the point of losing weight, anyway, right?). Exercise for better health and everything will fall into place. Utilize both weight training and aerobic training. Weight training burns more calories than most people suspect (so the weight loss crowd spends all their time on the treadmills). Aerobic training allows for amazing lung and heart strength (and trust me, you want a set of good lungs and a good heart).
While my athletic "accomplishments" are few, some of them are entertaining, and therefore it might be fun to read. Note: I'm not trying to show off. You'll notice that most of my accomplishments are pretty lame and mainly involve me failing or doing something dumb.
#1: 100-mile bike ride with a long sprint. Every year, a group of people from my church ride their bikes to New Hampshire from Connecticut to a church retreat center. The ride is just a little bit above 100 miles. A few years ago, I decided to ride along. I have a friend who is my age, Ted, who was also riding. Sadly, he was riding with his brakes rubbing for the first 10-20 miles, so that wiped him out pretty good. The group decided to split into a fast group and a slow group. I decided to go with the fast group. Of course, the fast group was made of up riders who had nice road bikes and big, strong legs. I had a mountain bike without a seat (funny story in itself) and little baby legs. Also, I was carrying Ted's backpack, if I remember right. Well, pretty soon I was falling back from the fast group, and the slow group was far enough behind that I couldn't see them. Soon, the fast group pulled out of sight and the slow group was still far behind and out of sight. Finally, I decided to do a "sprint" until I caught up. I found myself sprinting for a very long time. That fast group must have been really fast. Before I knew it, I was in New Hampshire. I decided to stop at a pay phone and call to see where people were (also, I wanted to make sure I was taking the right road. The whole trip is 3 roads: a road to route 10, route 10, and a road off route 10). Well, I found out that the fast group had pulled off for a break and waited for the slow group and that I blown by them. If I remember right, I was the first person to make it up that year. So, without even meaning to, I had sprinted up nearly the entire state of Massachusetts.
#2: A marathon and famous people (kinda). I decided to run the 2001 Greater Hartford Marathon. A Marathon is a 26 mile run, so it's not too easy. The race started, and I was going fine, until about mile 10, where I busted my knee in a pothole I didn't see (my leg fell down further than I had expected, and I landed hard on my locked knee). So, I couldn't run well. I took off my shirt and tied it around my leg and started limping along. 16 miles is a long way to run, it's a much longer way to limp. But since I wouldn't quit, I limped on (I had told people I was doing a marathon, and I didn't want to make myself a liar). Well, about mile 23 near a turn-around, I saw someone coming back limping along the other direction. We yelled back and forth about out afflictions, but we were going opposite directions, so the conversation was short. I decided to speed up my limp a few notches, because misery loves company. Finally, I caught up, and she (the other limper) and I struck up various bits of conversation. Her name was Katherine and she was running the marathon for charity. There are a bunch of other stuff mentioned, but I won't bore you with all the details. Anyhow, at one point in the conversation, she managed to mention that she was a motivational speaker/writer and that she would probably write an article about how I had limped so far (I think she limped from about mile 18) and she said it would be on her website, missnh.com. It took me until later that day to realize that missnh.com was for Miss New Hampshire, and that I was speaking with Miss New Hampshire herself, Katherine Pike (I might add that she was a very nice person, and that the Miss State people look much better in person without the fancy dresses and tons of makeup, and she wasn't at all stuck-up, or any such non-sense. And just a note to all you guys reading this, no, I do not have her number, so don't ask, and her fiancee was also running the marathon, so I think she is now married).
#3: A longer bike ride and a crash. Well, one day Ted (a great friend and bike rider) and I decide to do a longer bike ride than the 100 mile ride to New Hampshire. We decide that we're going to ride there and back in one day. The ride would have been well over 200 miles long. Well, we had ridden a long distance and were on our way back. We were crusing fast, as we had just come out of a long down hill and we wanted to make good time. Anyway, Ted was behind me and his tire slipped in some sand and hit a curb and his bike and he were flung off the road, and Ted landed right in a telephone poll. There was an Australian couple walking by, and Ted later recalled what they said "When I saw you hit that telephone, I said 'that can't be good!'" ("Of course that couldn't have been good" says Ted "I just hit a telephone pole!"). Anyway, the bike wasn't too injured (a bottle holder held its last bottle, and a toe clip broke), but Ted's wrist was broken, so, we had to wait outside a little grocerie store for a few hours while we waited to be picked up by Ted's father. It was a sad end to what would have been a very long day of bike riding.
Michael the punk
The word punk went through three phases.
The first term refers to a prison-sex slave. I have never had prison sex (or any sex) and I've never even been in prison. This was a rather rude term. Then there were a group of people who didn't dress like everyone else, who didn't talk like everyone else, who didn't think like everyone else. Society likes to ridicule the outcasts such as these, so they acquired the name "punks". Of course, since these people didn't really care that much what society said, they took the word "punk" and it eventually became a term of endearment among punks, but still an insult for people from the outside. However, once something gets a name, a marketing agency with a branch in New York and another branch in L.A. pick up on the name and start marketing it. They dictate what the name means. Now being a punk means going to a store in the mall and buying a $200 outfit ($30 metal wallet chains are absolutely mandatory) and then going out and buying a skateboard. The next step is to find a few rules that no one cares about (like "no yelling at passing cars"), then break the life out of those rules (but the rules can't be too major, because then the parents might stop giving their "punk" children their $300/week allowance, and the folks at the L.A. branch don't like the sound of that).
So, from my sarcasm, it's quite clear that I'm not excited about the latest meaning of the word punk and the first meaning of the word punk has less than nothing to do with me (math question, is the square root of negative one also less than nothing?). But the second meaning of "punk" I can agree with. While I sadly have not lived up to the "not-caring" standard 100%, it's a good goal to shoot for. The goal of the second generation punk is to do things because it makes sense, not because that's what society says is the way to go. This actually explains the original punk look. Society said "buy expensive clothing", but punks said "Salvation Army, baby! $10 for a whole outfit". The styles at the Salvation Army are the styles rejected by people and therefore dumped into a big bin outside a department store.
I think my "punkness" is the base of a lot of what I do: it's why I exercise and it's why I wear shorts. Wait! Exercise? Doesn't society tell us to be skinny and/or muscular (depending on age/gender)? Going with the crowd there, eh? Well, kinda, but kinda not. Society does push toward exercise from time to time, but for the wrong reasons. It tells us to exercise to be sexy, whereas I exercise for health (my stunning good looks are just a side-effect). So being a punk, in my mind, is considering why you are doing what you are doing. Are you doing it because someone told you it's the way it should be? Or because you determined for yourself that it's the way it should be?
The punk rant is actually a good opening for a lot of the rest of the site. I hope most of the other opinions expressed on this website come from my own careful consideration of the facts, and not because someone told me that's the way it should be.
Michael the musician
Disclaimer time again...
I know there will be some musically talented people reading this page. Just because this page is called "Michael the musician", that doesn't mean I think I'm a musician. I've never been good at music, but I've always been good at noise (ask me about my "tower of power" and the 20-some speakers I had in my room). Anyway, one sign that I am no musician is that I cannot sing. I really cannot hit any notes right. From time to time, I have a lucky day and I can sing an entire song or two without missing a note. It's quite scary when I do. But, most of the time, I don't even come close. I think I can attribute my poor singing abilities to various children's choirs at church. From time to time, they would put me on the spot, and I've always been very self conscience, so that scared me from singing. I learned to lipsynch and gave up on singing. But that's of little interest.
Well, when I was pretty young, maybe 6 or 7, I decided to take up playing the piano. Both my parents could play, and I wanted to be able to make the same noises. However, no one told me that the piano is pretty hard to play. Well, I started learning and soon it became a chore with required practice time, which is never fun. Also, I got a piano teacher, which was even less fun. Let me explain why. My family has a huge, old grand piano which was probably designed to be played in a huge concert hall without amplification (as there was no such thing as a speaker when the piano was made). So, this piano is quite loud. So, my teacher would always tell me to play quieter. Of course, she would play at full volume without knowing it. Well, I ended up spending all my time during the lesson concentrating on pressing the keys just hard enough to have the hammer hit the strings. So, needless to say, I quit piano as soon as I possibly could. I think I may have been 11 or 12 when my parents finally let me quit.
Well, later on, me and some of my church friends decided we wanted to start a ska band. There were a lot of us, so it was certainly possible. Since there was nothing else for me to do, I decided to take up guitar (at least, I think that's how it went). I still have my guitar, a black Gibson electric with a tiny amp (don't worry, I have way bigger amps, when I want to make noise). I have to say, I really enjoy playing guitar, but I'm not good at it. However, you don't need to be talented to play rhythm guitar in a teenage ska band (leave the mad solos to Ben). I'll probably comment more on guitar later, but now I have to move to the next important event. The band had never actually rehearsed, so we weren't technically a band. Well, some people in the band decided it was too hard being in a band that didn't practice, and our drummer moved away to North Carolina (he was really good). Well, it was pretty much down to 4 or 5 people and no drummer. Since I wasn't really good at guitar, I decided it would probably be simplest for me to take up drums. So, in August 2001, my parents got me a drum set - the cheapest one we could find. In retrospect, I'm surprised they even bought that, as it would seem that I should have given up quite quickly based on my past musical efforts.
Well, no one in my family had drummed before, except my uncle, but he (like our old drummer) was in North Carolina. I got some books and videos and started teaching myself. I was painfully bad, but I slowly started catching on. By this point, the remaining 4 or 5 members started "practicing". We were still technically ska at that point, as we had trumpet and, from time to time, trombone. However, we never actually worked out any real brass parts to any of songs. Our trombone player officially left, so all we had left was trumpet. The trumpet player decided to take up bass, and relieve our singer and former bassist of that position. So, now we were a band of 4 people, two of whom were very new to their respective instruments. Again, I don't need to say it, but we weren't very good. But hey, we sure were loud! Our guitarist, who is quite tallented, started writing some sick music. Meanwhile, both the bassist and I were getting better at the instruments that we played. Oddly enough, we played at a "talent" show. It was the first time in a long time that I had drummed in front of anyone else, and it was the first time in a long time that I had performed music, or anything for that matter. Despite the fact that everyone there wouldn't have cared if we hadn't hit a note right, I was pretty scared. However, I had a lot of fun playing.
The band managed to also get 3rd place out of about 8 bands in a battle of the bands. That show was a lot of fun to play. By that point, we had our collection of, count them, 4 songs that we wrote and performed. We didn't play other people's stuff, probably because we didn't sound good when we did. But of course, I think it's cool when a junk basement band plays their own stuff. Thankfully, I have my church's old sound system, so I can make super-high quality recordings of our music (of course, if the music is bad, there's only so much I can do to make it sound better, but at least the system doesn't make it sound worse).
In case anyone cares, the name of our band is 6 Feet To Go. I guess that's supposed to imply that weren't not dead yet, or something. We used to be The Randominiums (probably because were we more random than we were good). There are 4 members: myself, who you already. Our singer is Rob, our bassist is Calvin, and our guitarist is Ben. Well, since the guitarist and I moved off to college for fall 2002, the band had to pause for the school year. However, as I'm writing this, it's summer 2003 and we're back together. It seems that the band will not be able to get back together for summer 2004, however, as both Ben and I will not be around, if all goes as planned. Right now, I think the goal for the summer is to play some shows, and to record our album so that we have something to show for the band. We only have 1 song recorded with the lyrics recorded, the other 3 recorded songs were recorded when the singer was busy. I would be happy with an 8-10 track CD. Right now we're working on a new song by Calvin, which is really killer. As I'm writing this, I'm listening to yesterday's recording. I think we're almost ready to record the final version of that song. Also, Ben just wrote a new song, which is a nice mellower, almost dark sounding tune, which should be fun. I'm working on writing a parody and a joke song. I may record all parts of the joke song myself (except for singing), as the song isn't anything fancy, so it's hardly worth the trouble of getting the band together. The lyrics are awesome, however.
So, that's my story of "music". So, right now, I'm awful at piano (I sometimes play stuff I wrote for guitar on the piano), I'm bad at guitar (but, I could survive as a punker), and I'm decent at drums. I think my family wishes I played something quieter than drums, and that I play the drums with less passion (a.k.a loudness). In case you want to see me playing my guitar and drums, I made a video, which you can watch online. Before I give you a link, a little disclaimer. First, I'm not wearing a shirt. That is because the video was meant to be an experiment, and I was too lazy to put on a shirt after I got up. Next, I messed up a bit. Also, I wrote that little tune, so that's why it sounds so dumb. The reason for recording the video was an experiment in video editing and overlay. Well, now that you have been warned, I'll give you the links. Click here for the broadband version (2.95MB) (http://www.ftper.com/videos/MusicMix.wmv). Click here for the dial-up version (.37MB) (http://www.ftper.com/videos/MusicMixSmall.wmv). Also, I have decided to include a video of 6 Feet To Go practicing. Again, it's time for a disclaimer. This was only a practice - we weren't even doing studio recording. Also, the singer wasn't able to come that day, which was our last practice before Ben and I went off to college. There are plenty of mistakes in this recording, but overall, the song held together. The name of the song is either "Back Then" or "Johanna" and I'm really not sure which it is at the moment, but I'm leaning toward "Johanna". Click here for the broadband version (6.53MB) (http://www.ftper.com/videos/6FTG2.wmv). Click here for the dial-up version (1.2MB) (http://www.ftper.com/videos/6FTG1.wmv)
Michael the businessman
Many businessmen wear nice suits and ties. I wear shorts and a T-Shirt.
Man, how I love Internet business! Well, business is going to be one of my degrees from UConn once I finish, not that matters. Almost everyone I know that is a good businessman and also has a business degree says that a business degree is useless. I don't doubt them. I'm getting a business degree because business classes are entertaining.
Well, I'll give a history of my entrance into the weird world of business. A decent amount of time ago, I think when I was 11, I got a computer from the pastor of my church. It was nothing fancy or state-of-the-art, in fact, it was an early 1980's IBM PC with a yellow and black screen. When I would start it up, it could only load Microsoft BASIC (Beginners All-purpose Symbolic Instruction Code - a programming language). I later learned that if I whack it on the side during start-up, it could load MS DOS. Well, my father knew a little bit of BASIC and he taught me how to make a program that could add a couple numbers. I found that quite fascinating. I managed to get my hands on some reference books that simply had hundreds of commands and information about BASIC syntax. They weren't exciting, but soon I was programming in BASIC (I probably did this because everything else I did at that point in my life was pretty boring). Well, eventually I got a modern computer and I started programming in languages that could be used to distribute programs to other people.
In the mean time, I realized that some day I would have to go off to college. Going to college would mean that I would have to take the SAT. Since I was homeschooled, I had never taken a "real" test and therefore the SAT intimidated me. The easy solution would have been to practice for the SAT, but easy solutions were never my style. Therefore, I had to avoid the SAT, and the way to avoid the SAT is to avoid college, and the way to avoid college is to get rich before college (because college is about learning various ways to make money, right?). So, I knew I wasn't going to get rich mowing lawns or selling lemonade. Therefore, I started looking at how to open a business. I ordered hundreds of pages of information from various sources to figure out how to start and run a business. I think I read more page of business documents in one month than I had read pages of novels in my lifetime. Some time in August when I was 14 years old, I walked into the Berlin town hall and after a little trouble (I was 14, after all, and wasn't allowed to own a business), my father and I registered my company RoadSide Software. I should note, that a current survey at that time of 14 year old males found that around 60% of them wanted to own their own business. I was probably one of the very few who actually did.
The rest is pretty boring, except I now run an Internet business and my goal is never to be employeed by anyone else. So far, I am meeting that goal quite well.
I have more dreams for businesses other than just software. Software is fun, but there is a lot more that I could do. One thing I'd like to do is own a nutrition store. There would be a physical store and also an online division. I would be able to offer super low prices because I think any profit margin is a good profit margin and I'm good at finding good deals and discounts. Some day, I would also like to make and sell a car, but that might require a little more effort. There are many other businesses I'd like to start. I think I'll start a master company and call it "RoadSide Enterprises". That company would own all my other companies.
Michael the Christian
This is the most important aspect of me.
So, that's the basics, but there is a little more I'd like to say. I think that many non-Christians don't understand Christians well. That is probably because we Christians don't explain ourselves well. While I can only speak for myself, I think at least some other Christians would agree with what I say (if you don't, send an email, please!). Note: if I refer to God as "He", that's not because I think God is somehow "male" or "masculine", but rather because it sounds clunky to talk otherwise. Also, in German (which is where English comes from), the word for "God" is "der Gott". "Der" is a masculine word, and therefore is referred to back to as "er" (he), "ihn" (him), or "ihm" (him - dative). Also, note that the Germans don't think that God is always a "male" thing. "Das M�dchen" is a word for a female person, but "das" is neuter. As my German professor said "If the German's didn't know that girls were females, there wouldn't be any Germans left".
Do Christians think their better than other people? Well, I'm sure some do. But, we shouldn't. One of the main things about being Christian is admitting that we are no better than anyone else, admitting that we are bad and asking that God forgive us of that (and God guarantees our forgiveness). So, while Christians often act high and mighty, we aren't. There are some sins that are easier to abstain from, and sometimes Christians will play up those sins in order to make themselves look "better" in their own eyes (I'm sure I've done this many times - and I ask both your forgiveness and God's forgiveness for that). However, to quite the Bible, "Why do you see the speck in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log in your own" - Luke 6:41.
Why do Christians do so many bad things? There have been hundreds of times through history where people have done terrible things and they did it claiming that's what God wanted them to do (from what I hear, even Hitler was good at quoting the Bible). Just because Christians did it (even under God's name) doesn't mean that's what God actually wants! As I was saying before, Christians are only humans and therefore we commit sins like everyone else. Sometimes we use the fact that we're Christian to gather momentum among Christian for our human causes and we do it under the Christian banner (and we manage to put another sin of top of the sins we were already committing - using the Lord's name in vain).
Aren't most people Christian simply because their parents were Christian? Well, that's not necessarily true. Ask any Christian raised in a Christian family, and ask him/her if he/she has ever challenged his/her own faith (stupid political correctness). You will probably find that most people raised Christian, including myself, at one point felt uneasy with their faith. They probably realized that maybe they were only believing something because their parents believed it. However, even after I re-evaluated my faith, I realized that my parents were right after all.
How can you be so sure there is a God? How do you know you have the right God? This is a really tough question to answer. Different people have different answers. If you don't believe in any God, ask yourself this question: "How can I be sure there is no God at all?" Suppose there was plenty of scientific evidence against the existence of a God or a creator. Couldn't God have created that evidence himself? After all, an all-powerful God could certainly make a bunch of bones buried in the dirt somewhere. So, it becomes quite scientifically impossible to "prove" there is no God. Then another question to consider is "where did we come from?". I'm not talking about some creationist/evolutionist debate, but rather, where did matter come from? Suppose there was a "big bang", where did the matter for that come from? As far as I can tell, it's quite hard to create a scientific explanation for the start of the universe. So, if you think there is no God, at least consider that there could be a God. And, suppose there is a God, couldn't God know what you're thinking. So, even if you're still doubtful, you should ask God to show Himself to you. You don't have to say anything out loud, just ask God to show Himself to you. So, I haven't answered the question yet. How can I be sure there is a God? Well, I asked God to show Himself to me and he did. I had to pay good attention, but it happened. "Feeling God's presence" is not an easy thing to describe. It's not something you would expect and it isn't the way you might expect it (the Bible describes an event where God wasn't in the storms or fire, as you might expect from an all-power God, but rather, God was in the calm).
How do I know I have the right God? Again, very hard to answer. The stories of the Bible hold together amazingly well, and they describe clearly how to communicate with God and who God is. When I communicate with God, I can tell that the Bible described God as He is. Also, if I'm feeling doubtful, I can look to some of the physical evidence that God left. For example, the Shroud of Turin are the supposed burial wrappings of Jesus Christ (I'll talk about the Shroud in a second). The Shroud provides a little reassurance if I'm doubtful.
Wait a second, didn't they prove the Shroud was a fake? Ah, glad you asked. It just so happens that my grandfather and grandmother on my mother's side are quite good Shroud researchers. A lot of what is known about the Shroud was first seen by my grandparents. Therefore, I have seen a lot about the Shroud that the mass Media has never published. There was once a carbon dating done of the Shroud that placed the date of the Shroud around 1300 AD. The media quickly accepted the results at face value and labeled the Shroud as fraud and largely ignored later findings. Well, there were a few problems with the test. One problem is that the Shroud still has living bacteria on it, and carbon dating requires that the item be dead so that the scientists can measure the ration of carbon 14 to carbon 12, which have different half-lives. If the item is still alive, the amount of carbon will not even start to decrease. Another factor, which I think is (correct me if I'm wrong, Granddad) is that the sample taken from the Shroud contained fibers from the repairs done to the Shroud. The Shroud was once caught in a fire and some of it was burned and patches were added to it. If I remember right, I was in my grandparents basement, and I was shown a video of the sample being taken, and watching it in slow motion, one could see that the sample was party from the replacement patches. There is also an amazing amount of evidence showing that the Shroud is real. There are images flowers that can be seen on the Shroud, and the pollen around those images match the flowers, and the flowers place the Shroud right where it should be (that is, the flowers show that the Shroud originated from where Jesus died). The body shown on the Shroud is also anatomically perfect, not even the most crafty surgeons and artists working together in the 1300's could have possibly drawn such an accurate image (and it is now generally accepted, even by critics, that the Shroud was not painted with a paint brush). There's a ton more, if you're interested ask me. If I don't know, I'll ask my grandfather, who probably does know.
So, therefore, I hope I don't mess it up and write something that I don't mean. Well, let me just state what I believe. I believe that Jesus is the son of God, that Jesus came to Earth fulfilling God's promise of a savior. While on Earth, he told us how we should live and showed us the way to heaven. I believe that Jesus was executed and that he rose from the dead, thereby paying for the sins of all humanity if we want our sins paid for (to be absolutely clear, I do actually believe that there was a dead body of Jesus, and then later that body was no longer dead). I believe that if I ask God to forgive my sins, God will forgive them, thereby making me free of sin.
So, that's the basics, but there is a little more I'd like to say. I think that many non-Christians don't understand Christians well. That is probably because we Christians don't explain ourselves well. While I can only speak for myself, I think at least some other Christians would agree with what I say (if you don't, send an email, please!). Note: if I refer to God as "He", that's not because I think God is somehow "male" or "masculine", but rather because it sounds clunky to talk otherwise. Also, in German (which is where English comes from), the word for "God" is "der Gott". "Der" is a masculine word, and therefore is referred to back to as "er" (he), "ihn" (him), or "ihm" (him - dative). Also, note that the Germans don't think that God is always a "male" thing. "Das M�dchen" is a word for a female person, but "das" is neuter. As my German professor said "If the German's didn't know that girls were females, there wouldn't be any Germans left".
Do Christians think their better than other people? Well, I'm sure some do. But, we shouldn't. One of the main things about being Christian is admitting that we are no better than anyone else, admitting that we are bad and asking that God forgive us of that (and God guarantees our forgiveness). So, while Christians often act high and mighty, we aren't. There are some sins that are easier to abstain from, and sometimes Christians will play up those sins in order to make themselves look "better" in their own eyes (I'm sure I've done this many times - and I ask both your forgiveness and God's forgiveness for that). However, to quite the Bible, "Why do you see the speck in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log in your own" - Luke 6:41.
Why do Christians do so many bad things? There have been hundreds of times through history where people have done terrible things and they did it claiming that's what God wanted them to do (from what I hear, even Hitler was good at quoting the Bible). Just because Christians did it (even under God's name) doesn't mean that's what God actually wants! As I was saying before, Christians are only humans and therefore we commit sins like everyone else. Sometimes we use the fact that we're Christian to gather momentum among Christian for our human causes and we do it under the Christian banner (and we manage to put another sin of top of the sins we were already committing - using the Lord's name in vain).
Aren't most people Christian simply because their parents were Christian? Well, that's not necessarily true. Ask any Christian raised in a Christian family, and ask him/her if he/she has ever challenged his/her own faith (stupid political correctness). You will probably find that most people raised Christian, including myself, at one point felt uneasy with their faith. They probably realized that maybe they were only believing something because their parents believed it. However, even after I re-evaluated my faith, I realized that my parents were right after all.
How can you be so sure there is a God? How do you know you have the right God? This is a really tough question to answer. Different people have different answers. If you don't believe in any God, ask yourself this question: "How can I be sure there is no God at all?" Suppose there was plenty of scientific evidence against the existence of a God or a creator. Couldn't God have created that evidence himself? After all, an all-powerful God could certainly make a bunch of bones buried in the dirt somewhere. So, it becomes quite scientifically impossible to "prove" there is no God. Then another question to consider is "where did we come from?". I'm not talking about some creationist/evolutionist debate, but rather, where did matter come from? Suppose there was a "big bang", where did the matter for that come from? As far as I can tell, it's quite hard to create a scientific explanation for the start of the universe. So, if you think there is no God, at least consider that there could be a God. And, suppose there is a God, couldn't God know what you're thinking. So, even if you're still doubtful, you should ask God to show Himself to you. You don't have to say anything out loud, just ask God to show Himself to you. So, I haven't answered the question yet. How can I be sure there is a God? Well, I asked God to show Himself to me and he did. I had to pay good attention, but it happened. "Feeling God's presence" is not an easy thing to describe. It's not something you would expect and it isn't the way you might expect it (the Bible describes an event where God wasn't in the storms or fire, as you might expect from an all-power God, but rather, God was in the calm).
How do I know I have the right God? Again, very hard to answer. The stories of the Bible hold together amazingly well, and they describe clearly how to communicate with God and who God is. When I communicate with God, I can tell that the Bible described God as He is. Also, if I'm feeling doubtful, I can look to some of the physical evidence that God left. For example, the Shroud of Turin are the supposed burial wrappings of Jesus Christ (I'll talk about the Shroud in a second). The Shroud provides a little reassurance if I'm doubtful.
Wait a second, didn't they prove the Shroud was a fake? Ah, glad you asked. It just so happens that my grandfather and grandmother on my mother's side are quite good Shroud researchers. A lot of what is known about the Shroud was first seen by my grandparents. Therefore, I have seen a lot about the Shroud that the mass Media has never published. There was once a carbon dating done of the Shroud that placed the date of the Shroud around 1300 AD. The media quickly accepted the results at face value and labeled the Shroud as fraud and largely ignored later findings. Well, there were a few problems with the test. One problem is that the Shroud still has living bacteria on it, and carbon dating requires that the item be dead so that the scientists can measure the ration of carbon 14 to carbon 12, which have different half-lives. If the item is still alive, the amount of carbon will not even start to decrease. Another factor, which I think is (correct me if I'm wrong, Granddad) is that the sample taken from the Shroud contained fibers from the repairs done to the Shroud. The Shroud was once caught in a fire and some of it was burned and patches were added to it. If I remember right, I was in my grandparents basement, and I was shown a video of the sample being taken, and watching it in slow motion, one could see that the sample was party from the replacement patches. There is also an amazing amount of evidence showing that the Shroud is real. There are images flowers that can be seen on the Shroud, and the pollen around those images match the flowers, and the flowers place the Shroud right where it should be (that is, the flowers show that the Shroud originated from where Jesus died). The body shown on the Shroud is also anatomically perfect, not even the most crafty surgeons and artists working together in the 1300's could have possibly drawn such an accurate image (and it is now generally accepted, even by critics, that the Shroud was not painted with a paint brush). There's a ton more, if you're interested ask me. If I don't know, I'll ask my grandfather, who probably does know.
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